How Not To Be a Social Media Retard: Six Scenarios


Social media, whether you love it or not, is the only place where you can say “hi” to your friend rather than waiting for him to attend his/her phone to say “hello”. As the numbers of social media accounts go sky-high every day, the dorky and dumb people annoy the rest of the geek population at an equal rate. A few of them being an intelligent person on mannerism and having a great interest in classic jazz, also sound dorky and stupid at times when they lose their edge. I’ve lost mine many times in my past. Beyond a threshold of stupidity, there are a few dumb people who annoy the entire universe. They’d be the victims of a pathetic scenario that ends up with thousands of face palms and annoyances and will be featured in a meme even. Despite all these bombings, they never let go off their kingdom of absurdity and continue their reign of absurd acts, which on the other hand plays a stealthy role in agitating a geek’s mind and turning him as a monster later. Here a few tips for geekswipers, how not to be a social media retard.

Too Much Narcissism

Alright! You love what you just did, or you liked the idea that just popped in your mind! Awesome! Though its makes a creaky sound on the social vibe, you are free to express something what is yours. That’s your basic right in a ‘social world’. Whatever the content may be you just did it with a great deal of interest and love, so that you want your friends to know about it. As soon as you post, the stupid bastard in you, the dorky version of you wakes up and takes you down to love it again as a statement of action. Result: You ‘liking, favoriting, loving’ your own post. To be ruder, such actions are more like a famous meme or the stuff what Bear Grylls does when he runs out of water in the middle of nowhere. It makes you so stupid. By theVulcan logic, there is absolutely no wrong in doing that. But, it’s so stupid by Spock’s logic. Period! Stop doing that!

Screaming Alone

Honestly, I do this all the time, but I do have a few dormant buddies who lend their ears and can understand my encrypted geek screams and posts. But guys with great love of something, with dorky friends will in turn be the dominating dork who would probably look like a retard screaming something in Klingon in the middle of the Mojave Desert. Find your friends before you actually use the social media for sharing about your favorite programming platform or the sci-fi series you love. Or, you’d end up hating your online presence as you’d find none to like or discuss the stuffs that you share. At least try to keep one or two of your type to keep your online guy alive. So geeks… No klingon unless you are in one of the planets of the Klingon Empire.

Don’t Try To BeMr.Tarantino

The ‘rated’ words have lost its meaning as the whole new world is in to a new era of freedom of speech, where public figures are down in the dumps everyday facing random tweets against them and Jimmy Kimmel asking them to read it for us. This section is more like ‘How not to be a mainstream retard”. Expressing your anger and rage do require the rated words to show its degree of importance, but at the same time such words will transform your content more gross and it might end up as a social embarrassment. For geeks, it’s good to be in aMichaelBay movie with occasional bleeps rather than to play as the protagonist ofMr.Fincher orMr.Tarantino or the cobra,Mr.Scorsese. Keep it low and never exceed the average count per week scale (rough scale though).

Flattery is obsolete

“Hey look it’s my boss with his weird hair in an ugly coat!” you laugh out loud until you roll down to the expression to lmao! The retards go a little further to show some likeness to that picture. The rest can have a little more LOLs and ROFLs when you scroll down the comments of his employees and business buddies flattering him with words that you’d start hating once you find relating to the picture. “Wow… you look great sir!” “Amazing! You look so handsome!” “Boss… Starring in a movie?”, and followed by more awkward flattery. It’ll be hard to explain the situation, either you laugh at it or just wish for a bazooka to blow each one’s heads off for being so stupid. Don’t let yourself down by flattering your boss or a friend, it will not reflect in your internal appraisals. Its pretty old technique! And… Absolutely not that of ours!

I am Captain Planet

No! You are not! Fighting for causes is a drift towards a selfish act of pretending to be an environment lover or a care taker. Enlighten yourself and find the real cause to fight with the words and strength and just ignore the rest for the dumb asses who wants to slay their time online. You cannot save a tiger on social networks! Go to a zoo or a local park and do the real campaign and boast about it online with a pride. Else, if you are too lazy to go to a zoo, try donating it online.

The Trojan Geek

Geeks are not just born in a second. To be one, you’ve got to be the one who knows the big picture. Do a brief research on whatever news/information you get. Just don’t overreact to all the geeky post and turn your voice high pretending to be the expert and click on repost. We guys, will be pissed off when you try acting like us, geeks!

And about silly hoaxes! Don’t be the one who cried wolf! Post only if you are well versed with the facts lying around it and moreover make sure it falls under your interests. Be a horse or an ass… Never a Trojan Horse!

Mainstream Don’ts

I think the rest are the normal ‘Don’ts’ of the social media including the stuffs like helping needing kids with your extreme power of a click and a like, screwing yourself and your friends by sharing your hostage room with the hacker who just sent a brilliantly social engineered link that beats the state of the art defense scripts and multiply among the other jackasses.

This post was first published on July 27, 2013.

Karthikeyan KC

Aeronautical engineer, dev, science fiction author, gamer, and an explorer. I am the creator of Geekswipe. I love writing about physics and astronomy. I am now creating Swyde.


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