History of The World – The TLDR Version

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Geekswipe_Res_1_TLDR_Countries

Internet turns damn funny and accurate sometimes. When asked about their country’s history besides a TLDR request, the internet responded with witty and funny TLDR answers. Here are the best of those responses from reddit and few other websites/comments.

India

A land of thousand native languages united by one foreign language.

They came. It wasn’t cold, it was rich. They stayed.

We are one of the oldest and wisest cultures. Welcome to Dell technical support, my name is Steve.

We invented 0 and then we stopped inventing.

Come attack us and we’ll no longer play cricket with your country.

USA

This land is your land? …This land is my land.

Europe jumped across the Atlantic and landed on the heads of those already living here.

See it. Want it. Take it.

Italy

We were really important but now we make shoes.

Pizza, Mafia, Mandolin, Shoes and Lamborghini.

Invented bureaucracy and organized crime, still dealing with the consequences.

North Korea

All is fine. No more questions. Eternal President will lead us to victory.

War is peace, freedom is slavery, and ignorance is strength.

South Korea

Thank God, we are not North Korea.

We give the world tech companies and most probably, we designed your PC.

China

Made in China. We manufactured your PC and unlike South Korea, we are certain about it.

Sweden

Back to back World War avoiders!

Austria

Managed to pin World War 1 on Germany.

We screwed up? Let’s blame Germany!

We are not the one who has Kangaroos!

Germany

Sends soldiers to support wars started by allies. Always blamed, gets bitter and starts a war themselves. Never allowed to hear the end of it.

Russia

Vodka, monarchs, vodka, got sick of the monarchs, brought in a new-fangled sharing policy, celebration vodka, despair, oppression, and poverty… vodka. Space, space, more space, stared down the Americans for a long time, hockey, new flag, Putin, vodka.

Then Things got Worse…

Ukraine

We are not Russians and will always fight for independence even if it takes hundreds of years.

Greece

We did a bunch of shit for mankind like 10000 years ago, now were bankrupt.

Canada

You are the kindest country in the world, You are like a really nice apartment over a meth lab.

Are we not America yet?

We Love you England, but get out. Please. Sorry. So Sorry.

Greenland

Once upon a time, a couple of people just showed up. That’s it.

Finland

Ice age, hunters and fishers, agriculture, Swedish Crusades, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, famine, war, war, war, annexation by Russia, famine, independence, civil war, war, war, war, prosperity, Nokia, Linux, Angry Birds.

Madagascar

Nobody gave a fuck about us until the movies came out.

Switzerland

Sure we’ll take your money!

We used to be at war all the time, and then we got our confederated shit together, and settled on just watching others wage wars, while we collected all their gold and sat back on our snowy throne of neutrality.

Pakistan

Frantically hitting self-destruct since 1947.

England

Invaded everywhere, gave it back.

Netherlands

The country that cares most about global warming.

Serbia

We are our own worst enemies.

Poland

Stuck between a rock (Germany) and a hard place (Russia), and no-one can agree how to get out.

Tuvalu

We were a small, ignored island nation somewhere between Hawaii and Australia but then, we got the .tv domain and the fortunes turned.

Australia

Naughty people came on boats, others came to find gold. A man wearing a tin on his head stole some of it.

Qatar

What the fuck do we do with all this money? Hey you, yeah you over there, yeah you, you want some?

Myanmar

That mythical land that’s not quite China, not quite India and not quite Thailand that no one remembers exists. And a lot of people still call us ‘Burma’.

Afghanistan

You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave!

Vietnam

The foreigners came, they saw, they subjugated our country.

We fought, we rebelled, we survived.

New Zealand

Lord of The Rings.

Mexico

Mexico sick of being everyone’s tollgate to the United States

Got your own descriptions? Use the comment box below to add your lines. We will mend it with the article.

 

This post was first published on June 12, 2014.

Karthikeyan KC

Aeronautical Engineer, Science Fiction Author, Gamer, and an Explorer. I am the creator of Geekswipe. I love writing about Physics and Astronomy. I am now creating Swyde.

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4 Responses

  1. ROTFL! Guess there is one more to add to Scotland – “We screwed our own independenced” #CopiedOne ;)

  2. Anonymous

    “Nobody gave a fuck about us until the movies came out.” – EPIC!!!!!!

  3. KraTooBarrata

    Dude, this is so cool man! I found the thread on reddit, but it is terrible. Check out buzzfeed’s post too.